Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
