why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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