I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
