you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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