You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
