if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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