So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
