I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
