Moan for me like Helen Keller
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
