Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
