I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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