It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
