Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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