just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
