Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
