i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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