i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
