You can't special order awesome
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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