Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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