piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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