Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
