I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
