The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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