Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize