There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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