And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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