I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
