Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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