girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
