I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
