there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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