i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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