I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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