so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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