dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
