i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
