my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
