Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
