tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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