I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize