I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
