I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
