Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
