My first STD was from a foam party
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
