i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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