I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Help. Why am I so naked?
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