Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
