You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
