She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a hot homeless man
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
