Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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