I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
