Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
