ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
