The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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