he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize