What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my poor anus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
