Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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