Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize