Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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