People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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