Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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