FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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