if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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