He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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