Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
