Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
