I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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