This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
