but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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