is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
