Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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