My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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