i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
