The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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