Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
