Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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