she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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