I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
