The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
