They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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