yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
