Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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