I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
