You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
