its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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