Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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